Broken & Shattered

“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.” (1 Peter 4:1)

There is a savage battle that wages against each and every person on the planet, with a main focus on born again believers. It’s good against evil. Satan despises Jesus and, despite knowing what the future holds for him in Hell, he continues to war against believers in order to cause them to turn against the LORD with the consequence of losing their Salvation. Jesus NEVER leaves us or forsakes us; however, ‘believers’ can cause their own demise by leaving and forsaking HIM.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)

I began my 40 plus years of prescription drug addiction at the ripe old age of 8. I was a little girl who was medicated by a dentist for jaw spasms. He gave me Valium. Who does that? How could I know at that age? I thought it was better than chocolate cookies at the time because all of my anxieties melted away in a few minutes. By age 11, I was given antidepressants by a doctor and my dad told me I could have whatever alcohol I wanted from his bar at home in our living room. By my college years, it was mostly hashish and after that I progressed to opioids, more benzos, and too many more. I didn’t know how to do life without my pills. It just became my secret and a cruel vicious cycle of having to numb the terrifying moments of withdrawal between downing those pills.

As time moved forward, and after 3 work related accidents while I was a nurse, I ended up with serious spinal injuries that were extremely painful. I went to a pain specialist and guess what he did? Yep! He gave me painkillers that were hard core and extremely addictive. After a short period of time, I was taking 12 addictive medications given to me by Dr ‘Death’. I had surgery to help which made it all far worse. My highest doses were bumped up even more. I was now so loopy that my nursing knowledge of drugs just wasn’t something I considered.

Without boring you with my entire story now, I just want you to realize that using prescription drug given to you by your trusted doctor, IS ON YOU! You are the one who needs to say, ‘no thank you doc’… I don’t want your pills. I even made a tee shirt that says, “Is your doctor a healer or a dealer?” In med school, they are trained to give pills without thinking about addiction. Addiction isn’t even covered in med school. I know that from a good friend who is a medical doctor who was constantly programmed to believe that being a doctor is a business, not a practice.

My shattering and breaking happened after 7 years of taking 12 addictive drugs. I was dying and I knew it. My husband, Bill and I, went to see my dealer doctor about getting off of these drugs. At that point, I was so weak that I was in a wheelchair. The wheelchair wasn’t from my back injuries. The wheelchair was because I was near death.

I told Dr ‘Death’ that I knew that I was addicted and that I was going to die. I asked him to help me off the drugs. He looked at me and actually laughed! He responded by saying, “if I took you off the medications you’re on, your quality of life would decline, so I can’t do that. Just don’t worry about it.” I thought to myself, how he could say that because I had absolutely no quality of life. I was in a wheelchair from my body being in a state of dying and I had to keep telling myself to breathe because my brain couldn’t do it anymore!

It was not even 2 weeks later when I had a massive opioid overdose and rushed to the hospital where I crashed. I was in the cardiac care unit for 3 days with no hope of surviving. It was touch and go until, during those 3 days, I came face to Face with Jesus Himself! He let me know that my addiction, even though it was given to me by my doctors, was my liability. He said that had it not been for His mercy and grace, I would have died form this overdose and ended up in Hell!!! My life dramatically and instantly switched gears. It was from that encounter that I actually felt the presence of GOD’s Holy Spirit in me for the very first time and I have never been more grateful. You see, I had said that ridiculous sinners prayer which is made up by man… it’s not in the Bible.; however, I never really ‘felt’ anything. As I learned later, the space where Jesus needed to be was taken up entirely by my former addiction. What IS in the Bible are verses that tell you if you confess with your mouth (tell everyone Jesus is the Messiah), and believe in your heart (follow Jesus closely), you’ll be saved. Salvation is a journey… a race… that we must run until we hit the finish line! We just have to lean into the Bible for everything in our lives. If we are truly the LORD’s, He tells us He will break us so that we come to Him. It’s in our brokenness and despair that we turn to GOD!

Are you addicted to prescription drugs… street drugs… alcohol? Are you feeling what I’m saying? Please get help and know that this life is simply a road to Heaven that lasts for all eternity. We all need to get it right because the enemy of our souls is out there waiting to destroy us. Jesus will protect those who are truly HIS. Praise GOD!

Have a blessed and beautiful rest of your day in Jesus! 😊