I Loved Him… But He Was Killing Me

I met him
when I was far too young
to know what love really was.

He was smooth.
Dangerous.
Exciting.
Everything I thought I needed.

He made my heart race.
He even made silence bearable.
The pain?
He made all my pain disappear.

He whispered—
“I’ve got you. I’ll never let you hurt again.”

And I believed him.

We went everywhere together.
He gave me courage when I felt small.
He made broken places feel beautiful.
He turned the noise down
and turned the comfort up.

People warned me.
“He’s no good for you.”
“He’ll ruin you.”
But they didn’t know
He understood me.

At least, at first.

But love turned to need.
And need turned to chains.
He stopped asking…
and started taking.

He took

My money.
My health.
My children’s trust.
My soul.

He didn’t care what he destroyed…
as long as I came back.

And I did.
Again.
And again.
And again.

He said—
“You need me. No one else will love you like I do.”

And I believed him.
Until one day…

I looked in the mirror
and didn’t see me anymore.
Just someone surviving
a life that was supposed to be mine.

That’s when it hit me.

He didn’t love me.
He used me.
He didn’t heal me.
He was killing me
slowly.

So I left.

It wasn’t just a breakup.
It wasn’t just heartbreak.
It wasn’t just grief.
It was war.

Every inch of me
craved him.
Every memory
begged me to go back.

He called to me
like he always did…
softly, sweetly, seductively.

I refused to answer.

Because this time,
I realized I wasn’t walking away from a man.
I was walking away from opioids.

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If you’re reading this, and your story feels the same…please hear me:

You are not crazy.
You are not weak.
You are not unlovable.

You are fighting for your life—and that is holy ground.

Jesus sees you. He doesn’t turn away from your pain; He steps into it. He said in John 8:36, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

You don’t have to go back.
You don’t have to be in chains anymore.
You don’t have to be its slave anymore.

The one who told you, “You’ll never survive without me,” is a liar.
The One who says, “Come to Me, all who are weary…” —He tells the truth.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

You may be broken.
But you’re not beyond saving.
Not by a long shot.

It’s time.
Detox is hard.
But Jesus is stronger.

And He’s not calling you to let go and fall…
He’s calling you to let go… and fall into Jesus’ loving arms.

Jesus doesn’t shame us for the struggle. He rescues us from it. And when we’re finally ready to walk away from what’s been killing us—He walks with us into freedom.